Why Don’t we Talk About Mrs Buddha?

 

Mrs Yasodhara Gautama Buddha

When first I learned how Siddhartha Gautama deserted is 29 year old wife, Yasodhara, on the night of the birth of their son, I found myself considering the strength of the woman. In a society where this was one of the most shameful situations she held her own and refused to desert him in spirit. Though her surrounding family was full of judgement and scorn she held the Mona Lisa styled inner knowing that seemed to provider her with the equanimity to lead her own path with an undefended heart. She must have been courageous and compassionate enough to accept her husband’s path and to let him go.

“Courage is like a muscle. We strengthen it with use.” ~ Ruth Gordon

My reasoning is this: if she was able to rise above the culture of her time, her spiritual growth must have been a little more evolved than her husband’s. You might argue that she had no choice in the matter. He left her. But I argue that her reaction could have been less than gracious. Circa 563 BCE to 483 BCE it would have been easy for her to demand his return to his rightful place beside her as husband and ruler. But she allowed him his personal journey despite suffering the cultural shame and ridicule of her family and people.

“One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.” ― Michael J. Fox

 

What triggered such an act of desertion?

Siddhartha was a good man brimming with compassion and empathy for his fellow man. But when Siddhartha caught sight of Yasodhara lovingly doting on their new-born son, Rāhula, the developmental trauma of the death of his own mother not long after he was born filled him with a deep pre-verbal longing and suffering. A latent memory was fired up within him that he could not place it.

Psychotherapist Stolorow says it is unbearable when:

“…emotional pain cannot find a relational home in which it can be held.”

Subliminally, Siddhartha Gautama set out to find that holding home within himself. What became of his searching has impacted every being that has subsequently lived on this earth in one way or another. It is often said that behind every great man is and even greater woman. This wave of wonder would not have happened save for Yasodhara strength – could she have known what The Buddha later taught his followers of having the strength and willingness to pull out the arrow in order to tend to their own wounds with both their minds and their hearts? Sometimes the greatest act of the heart are the hardest to enact.

“One does not have to be helpless and fearful, nor does one have to be hostile and self-referential. The mind knows intuitively how to find a middle path. Its implicit relational capacity is hardwired.” ~ Mark Epstein

 

What is the source of a woman’s intuition?

As a new mother, Yasodhara’s intuition and connectedness would have been free-flowing. The Oxytixcin and Vassopressin hormones that form the bond between mother and child can almost be like a spiritual experience. The non-verbal connection we feel is visceral and powerful. Those of us who have been mothers can respond to our child needs without so much as a peep. We intuit our child’s needs wants and desires. I could understand my son’s needs and distresses on the particular tone of his cry. Ancient texts describe a similarly close relationship between Yasodhara and Siddharth – as young lovers they were inseparable. Adult relationships are too cemented by these same hormones but are released to a lesser extent than a postnatal relationship. It is then plausible to assume that upon the birth of his son, Siddhartha felt replaced and became painfully aware that his loving wife would be directing her attention from him to his son.

Nursing Mother by Alex Grey (1953) depicting the neurochemical bond between mother and infant.

A woman’s personal growth has been far different to a man’s. Historically, if a woman is to dedicate her life to this journey she has been expected to deprecate her feminine essence as proof of her dedication. This is incongruent with spiritual teachings and practices of respect and equality for all beings. As further proof of her dedication a woman would shadow the monastic fellowships, unprotected from their community.  Our adaptive ability to ‘step up’ to do what needs to be done for what we know to be pure and right and honorable is a quality of greatness.

But I am not sure if denying our humanness is congruent with what it means to be an authentic human being. It was The Buddha’s step mother and his assistant who caused him to see the hypocrisy in the current trend. I tip my hat to these trailblazers who have sacrificed greatly in our fight for equality. But feminism is not so much about being more manly so much as it is about embracing our womanhood, and honouring what we have to offer the yin-yang cycle of balance. If the scale is tipped, we are incomplete.

This is the year of compassion. A year of empathy. In this cold harsh, isolated society, connection is what we need in order to take our society to the next stage of universal growth and development . These are so-called feminine characteristics, so, let us reconnect with our unique qualities, embody our feminine essence, and contribute to this next cycle of growth.

 

by Hope Bastine

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Reference:

Constans, G. (2009) Buddha’s Wife. Robert Reed Publishers: Bandon, OR.

Epstein, M. (2014) The Trauma of Everyday Life. Hay House: UK.

Gerzema, J. and D’Antonio, M. (2013) The Athena Doctrine: How Women (and the Men Who Think Like Them) Will Rule the Future. John Wiley & Sons: USA.

Hesse, H. (1922) Siddhartha. Penguin Classics: UK.

Kornfield, J. (1993) A Path with Heart. Batam Books: New York.

Murcott, S. (1991) The First Buddhist Women: Translations and Commentaries on the Therigatha. Parallax Press: Berkeley, CA.

Rev Prof Wright, S. (2005) Whatever happened to Mrs Buddha? Spirituality and Health International Volume 6 Issue 1. Whurr Publishers Ltd

Stolorow, R.D. (2007). Trauma and human existence: Autobiographical, psychoanalytic, and philosophical reflections. New York: Routledge.

 

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Discover how to say young on a cellular level with the help of relaxation. Putting your feet up never felt so worthwhile.

If you ever needed a reminder of what a wonderful machine your body is, telomeres are probably it. Never heard of them? They’re part of your cells that affect how you age, and incredibly, the way you choose to live your life can have a direct impact on how they behave. Telomeres are little ‘caps’ at the end of each chromosome, designed to protect your DNA. Along with the enzyme telomerase, they protect loss of genetic information during cell division.

Every cell in your body can reproduce itself up to 60 times in your lifetime. But, as this continual cycle of replication occurs, it uses up energy, meaning the telomeres shorten, eventually signalling to the cell that it’s time to bow out gracefully. So, the shorter your telomeres, the less your cells can divide and therefore the older you get.

There’s a lot of research to show that shortened telomeres are linked to common illnesses such as heart disease, dementia and osteoporosis, and scientists have now begun to understand the crucial role stress plays in that ageing process.

THE STRESS EFFECT

Leading experts on telomeres, Elissa Epel and Elizabeth Blackburn (Elizabeth won the 2009 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine for her discovery of telomerase), believe that stress may have such an impact on telomere erosion that it can promote earlier onset of age-related diseases. In a 2004 study of accelerated telomere shortening, Elissa and Elizabeth found that women with the highest stress levels were almost a decade older on a cellular level than less stressed women.

Five years later, the same scientists discovered that elevated levels of stress hormones, catecholamines and cortisol, were also likely to lead to shorter telomere length. They also found that the enzyme telomerase, which slows the rate at which telomeres degrade, may be the biological link between increased psychological stress and increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

‘Stress creates greater cell turnover in your immune system as it stimulates a response to a perceived threat,’ says Professor Baird, a renowned telomere scientist at Cardiff University. This means your body reacts to raised levels of cortisol, often referred to as fight or flight hormone, by using cell division to increase the number of blood cells you have available to defend yourself. ‘Stress ages an immune system as the increased cell division means the telomeres are shortened.’ While a short stressful period in your life, such as moving house, won’t have much impact at a biological level, Baird says that situations that cause long-term chronic stress, which affect the control you have over your life can negatively affect telomere length.

Telomeres are like the plastic caps on shoelaces. Just as a shoelace frays if it’s not sealed, chromosome ends would become shorter, more quickly with each cell division were it not for telomeres.

 

MEDITATION KEEPS TELOMERES LONGER

A study led by postdoctoral researcher Tonya Jacobs at the UC Davis Center for Mind and Brain, looked at the benefits of intensive meditation training on telomerase activity, which is a good indicator of how your telomeres will shorten over time. Tonya, inspired in part by Buddhist traditions that claim meditation can promote wellbeing, found that people who took part in a three-month meditation retreat significantly increased telomerase activity. It was the first study to suggest that positive psychological change can slow the ageing process. However, those involved meditated for six hours a day- an impossible task for most!

Neuropsychologist Hope Bastine is more realistic. ‘You can still get anti-ageing benefits from meditation, but the key is regularity.’ To get started, she recommends taking an eight-week mindfulness course, taught in weekly two hour chunks. Once you’re confident in the technique, 20 minutes a day is often enough to reap the benefits. Encouragingly, for women with busy lives, she says the biggest payoff comes from staying focussed in the present, what she calls ‘real time;, so you needn’t lock yourself away in a quiet room to de-stress if it’s not feasible. ‘Many of my clients say, they use cycling as their meditation,’ she says. ‘The exercise allows you to remain ‘tuned in’ to the present. Once you’ve mastered the mindfulness technique, it can be applied to anything.’

Hope also recommends yoga, ‘as a single hour session can help boost your mood.’ Again, urging you to practise daily she recommends online lessons- yogaglo.com is her favourite – and classes, as group support helps you improve and stick with it. ‘Oxytocin and vasopressin, the bonding hormones, are released to calm our stress, especially in groups.’

The benefits of better social support have shown to increase length by 10 per cent if combines with 30 minutes’ daily exercise and meditation, and a healthy diet, according to a study.’

TAKE A HOLISTIC APPROACH

With regards to diet, a Nurses Health study in 2014 found that ‘those who stuck to a Mediterranean diet, traditionally associated with olive oil, fresh fruit, nuts and grains, were found to have longer telomeres.’ This seems to support studies that show we can help to cut stress by eating healthily.

Staying active throughout the day is also key. A British study of 1,200 pairs of twins found ‘shorter telomeres in those who were less physically active during their leisure time.’

It may sound like the same sort of healthy life-style advice you’ve heard before- lots of exercise, eat fruit and veg, manage stress- but science now proves why these things can make such a difference to your quality of life- the adage ‘healthy mind, healthy body,’ really does apply. Treating your body with care and respect can preserve the length of your telomeres, therefore your lifespan, so what better reason to invite more peace and calm into your life?

Originally published in TOP SANTÉ magazine on October 2015 by Sharon Brennan

Mission Statement

 

Finding Mrs Buddha opens up the animated question of: “How can a woman lead a spiritual life whilst embracing her femininity?” A woman’s search inside herself is far different to that of a man’s. She must ground herself in the timeless archetypal feminine wisdom as she navigates her way through the richness and complexities of the 21^st  century.  To Mrs Buddha, the pursuit of higher knowledge and wisdom in the face of moral imagination is as much the flame of virtue as is living with an undefended heart. In a culture of transcendence she must be courageous enough to cross boundaries and challenge the misconception that virtue is perfection.

“To err is to be human”

This is the fundamental tenet of an examined life. As a soul with a lust for life, Mrs Buddha knows what it means to be human and finds strength in her vulnerability as a woman.

In her search for her Buddhahood, Mrs Buddha confesses her own misgivings through the lens of cultural issues, socioeconomic politics, literature, the arts, spiritual philosophy, psychology, and neuroscience as she examines her life-obstacles. She encourages a fresh insight that will engage us in questions such as:

“how can we best serve our self and our community?”

She acknowledges that the only way to live is to thoughtfully dive into the mysteries of our human condition. Our existence is determined by our willingness to forge the frontiers of our inner space – found in the space between our mind and heart. She believed our enlightenment could be found in this balance. Our journey to Buddhahood is challenging but fill with excitement. The wonders of our human existence are breathtaking if only we were to stop to look at the view.

The ‘what’ is never really the issue. The issue is: how do we live? How do we untangle ourselves from the vicissitudes of our own condition? How do we make our human condition a virtue of our existence? The science of self-examination and then turn out reactions into creative actions is key to a life we can be proud of. That sometimes means being open to learn from our mistakes and the willingness to be empowered by them. Personal/spiritual growth is about meeting our edge. The truth is, Mrs Buddha makes countless mistakes. Sometimes she meets that edge head on and learns from them and sometimes it takes a number of retakes to make a the change. Finding Mrs Buddha is an account of those mis-takes.

In the main, as a woman of the 21^st century, she asks:

“What does my here-and-now really look like?

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Hope Bastine is a game changing psychotherapist. A barefoot child of India, she understands the compass of cultural diversity. Born on the foot of the Pyrenees, raised in India, and consolidated her education in Europe, she is a Third Culture Kid. But what has been her constant in the face of an ever-changing environment is her spiritual practice. After having trained as a neuropsychologist, Hope went on to teach psychology. She has now set up a London-based wellbeing company, Fresh Perception, offering spiritual psychotherapy, Mindfulness training, and holistic retreats. She is currently researching her thesis on the personal growth of Meditation and Yoga. 

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